I Hear Joseph Price Is A Real Asshole

25Sep06

I just moved into a house in Columbia Heights. I only knew one of my three new housemates well going in, so I decided I would break the ice a little bit by playing a practical joke.

Enjoy the email exchange below.

From: Devin Markell
To: Will Benning, Joseph Price
Date: Sep 20, 2006 12:34 PM

Subject: Electricity

Hey guys,

Pepco’s coming a knockin’ — if you guys get a chance could you get a check out so I can pay the bill by Friday so they don’t break my knees? Thanks. Also, any updates on the plans for this weekend?

Devin Markell

From: Joseph Price
To: Devin Markell
Cc: Will Benning
Date: Sep 21, 2006 1:23 AM
Subject: Re: Electricity

Devin,

Let me know how much to make out the check for and I’ll leave it out for you in case I don’t see you.

This weekend should be great. Speaking of electricity, do any of you guys have extension cords? I have one and I think we’re going to need nother one if I’m going to set up the band in the basement. I also talked to the neighbors and let them know that it might get a little it loud. They seemed ok with it.

I think the turnout should be around 80 people or so. We just need to work out a schedule to see who’s going to be manning the door to take cover from people.

Thanks and Best,

Joe

From: Devin Markell
To: Joseph Price
Cc: Will Benning
Date: Sep 21, 2006 2:36 PM
Subject: Re: Electricity

Actually, I forgot to mention it this morning but I think we are going to wait for your contribution until next month since really this bill is for usage during the month of August. We’ll just do this one 3 ways, and start splitting utils up four ways starting with bills from September (when you actually lived in the house). Will can correct me if I’m wrong. But thanks for the forwardness.

By the time you read this post, I may have taken down the “party website” on troublebunch.com. At the time of the nextemail, the page included the poster below and a VIP registration form.

Fat Bottom Girls Poster

From: Joseph Price
To: Devin Markell
Cc: Will Benning
Date: Sep 21, 2006 7:28 PM
Subject: Re: Electricity

Will, Devin,

Actually, I might have to revise my earlier estimate of 80 guests. I had accidentally forgotten to enable more than 50 entries on the party website (http://troublebunch.com). I’m thinking it’s gonna be more ike 100 guests (I’m also including your friends inside of that guesstimate). I got a lot of good feedback when I handed out flyers last night at Wonderland.

We might have to move the foosball (spelling?) table outside. Also, I think it might be a little crowded in the house so I don’t think we can play beer pong.

By the way, Fat Bottom Girls might look a little scary in their promotional photo, but they’re really awesome and sweet.

Ok, I don’t know if I’m gonna be home tonight, but we can definitely chat more about the party tomorrow at some point. =)

Later,

Joe

From: Devin Markell
To: Joseph Price
Date: Sep 21, 2006 10:12 PM
Subject: Re: Electricity

Joe,

I’d like to talk more about this party when you get a chance. I guess I hadn’t really realized the magnitude you were talking about… i’m not really that in to hosting such a big thing, and I have a couple concerns I’d like to talk about. Obviously if you have already invited these people you can’t go back, but I am a little confused at the kind of party we’re talking about here… these are people you haven’t really met before?

If you really want to try to make money back to pay for keg(s)/a band, to be honest I don’t really know how much I can help out with cash up front, and I’m not too keen on the idea of manning the door to take cover. Are you paying this band? Again, we can talk more about this if you’re really in to it, but I don’t feel like we’ve really planned adequately for this. Besides the mention you made to me a week or so ago, today was the first I heard about it in detail.

My main concern is that having 80 people we don’t know in our house is kind of a risk as far as stuff getting taken/broken… I also don’t really see how the size of our place can really accommodate this.. please give me a call or email when you get a chance.

Thanks.

From: Joseph Price
To: Devin Markell
Date: Sep 22, 2006 10:07 AM
Subject: Re: Electricity

Devin,

It’s ironic that this email subject is “Electricity” because I’m detecting a lot of negative energy.

I also wish I had gotten this email before I left last night. I would have waited for us to talk before canvassing Asylum and Pharmacy Bar. Fat Bottom Girls is pretty notorious in those bars.

But I am a little surprised that you’re “not really that in to hosting such a big thing.” We discussed the scope and size of the party two weeks ago. We were cleaning up after the last Friday night party, talking about the best parties we had ever been to and I mentioned the underground concert series we used to have at my place in Brookland. You said that sounded really cool and maybe we could try something like that here. When I said that I used to date the drummer of FBGirls, you said we should definitely host them.

Of course, we were talking at 4:30 AM and it had been a long night of drinking. You’re right: we probably should have discussed the details again before the party. I also didn’t discuss them with Will at all so I should be apologizing to him in particular.

You’re also right in that now that the invitation is extended we can’t turn these people away at the door. So let’s try and address some of your concerns…

If you’re worried about people messing with or stealing our stuff, maybe we can get event insurance? Any idea how much that will cost? If it’s $100 or less I’ll definitely pay for it but if it’s more expensive, well, my margins are already pretty slim.

Here’s the breakdown:
Estimated Revenues:
130 guests paying a $10 cover charge: ~$1300

Estimated Costs:
Band (we got a special discount) – $500
Beer (4 kegs) – $230
Margarita Machine, Liquor Costs – $350
Cups, Food, Other Random Stuff – $80

I’m good for fronting all of these costs and if we make a profit I’m gonna split it threeways, no worries. If we don’t make a profit, oh well, can I just ask that you take the financial lead for the next party?

On that same note, I’m charging my friends full price but I’m definitely cool if you only want to charge your friends half-cover, $5.

If you don’t want to man the door, I can get some of my friends to volunteer. There’s just two problems with that: 1) I can’t really ask them to pay cover then so that’s a cut off the top and 2) I don’t know if I trust them to collect the cash since they didn’t have to pay up–we might have to watch the watchers.

I’m also really concerned about overpopulation inside of the house. Maybe there’s a way to host a side party in the parking lot to diffuse the crowding? Maybe we can make a bonfire? I invited this guy from Asylum last night who knows this guy, Patches, a cop turned bike messenger. If Patches shows up, let’s go with the fire because then he can talk off the cops if the other neighbors call.

Actually, I’m really liking this fire idea. Have you ever had a margarita with a smoked-salt rim? It’s amazing. Maybe we should just got go for it. I think I might advertise that on the flyer on the website, http://troublebunch.com.

Ok, I hope this makes you feel better about the party. If not, let me get your feedback. I’m confident, though, that when you hear Fat Bottom Girls play Bohemian Rhapsody, in the words of another singer, you’re gonna feel alright.

Best,

Joe

From: Devin Markell
To: Will Benning, Joseph Price
Date: Sep 22, 2006 10:15 AM
Subject: Fwd: Electricity

I’d like to include will in this conversation since we’re all involved in this. thanks.

From: Devin Markell
To: Will Benning, Joseph Price
Date: Sep 22, 2006 10:25 AM
Subject: Re: Electricity

I’m all for supporting this band, but to be honest there is some negative energy here, I’m really pretty concerned about having a rock concert in our baseement. If you think this is all going to work out, then I am willing to see how it goes, but it doesn’t sound very planned out. There’s really no convenient way to get the foosball table out the basement, for one, and I can’t believe the magnitude of this thing.

Again, my apologies for misleading you as to my enthusiasm for this. I remember you metnioning the band and vaguely doing something to suppoort them, but if I told you I wanted to have 150 people over and set up over a thousand dollars worth of booze and entertainment, I’m a little surprised I don’t remember it.

Since we’re beyond that now, I’d like to focus on controlling this if we can. Please don’t add another 100 people to the guest list if possible, and if that means cutting back on some of the other expenditures, maybe we can think about that? I mean, feel free to use our place as your own, but I for one can’t guarantee more than a couple of guests contributing to this, and none of them are even aware of the cover charge since this isn’t the type of party I’ve had before.

Sorry if this sounds pretty negative, but i need to get some dialogue going with you before you make any more decisions about this weekend, since we’ve clearly already gone too long without discussing it and I’m getting an ulcer. Thanks, Joe, for your energy and your understanding.

Will, feel free to chime in with your thoughts.

From: Devin Markell
To: Will Benning, Joseph Price
Date: Sep 22, 2006 11:29 AM
Subject: Re: Electricity

Wait a second.

Asylum? Event insurance? Margarita machine?

You guys suck.

Joe, you’ve crossed an invisible line.

From: Joseph Price
To: Devin Markell
Cc: Will Benning
Date: Sep 22, 2006 11:41 AM
Subject: Re: Electricity

Devin,

I thought for sure you were gonna call me out after “DC’s only all-woman Queen cover punk quartet.”

I’m glad this is over though. I was feeling really bad about your ulcer.

Joe

From: Devin Markell
To: Joseph Price
Cc: Will Benning
Date: Sep 22, 2006 11:44 AM
Subject: Re: Electricity

Let me say, you only had once chance to play the new, possibly a little crazy, roommate card, and you played it very well.

Let me also say, Oh, Joe, Joe, Joe…. this is not over.

My gastroenterologist will be in touch.

I already feel closer to the guys.

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5 Responses to “I Hear Joseph Price Is A Real Asshole”

  1. Oh that was good, very good. My fav – how you kept escalating the size of the party. And the bonfire – classic!

    Now if you only had the time for other endevours….

  2. That’s amazing. I don’t think I would ever speak to you again.

  3. Now that’s funny. Almost makes me wish I weren’t married with kids, so I could get new roommates occasionally.

    Cory Aldrich (from 55 Fiction)

  4. 4 much-adored

    joe,

    you are out of your mind. i miss that deviant wit at all of our crux meetings at the rat. ah, the good old days. kv just sent me the link to your play’s review. congrats! it’s great to see you and kris doing so well. keep in touch!

    mick

  5. “Christianity is not a matter of persuading people of particular ideas, but of inviting them to share in the greatness of Christ. So pray that I may n Click https://twitter.com/moooker1


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